Penned Down #45: The Bitter Sweet of Ramadan & Eid

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Happy Eid, folks. Well I’m not gonna put an exclamation mark there like I always did and I do have strong reasons for that. One; I wasn't able to visit anyone during this festive season, even though my in-laws. Two; the only places I have visited recently were hospital and specialist center. Three; basically I spent my days of Eid staying only at home; grieving on bed.

Gosh, there are so many things and stuffs to be updated in this long abandoned blog. And yet I couldn't even figure out how I should start the talking. Let’s see; the last time I published a post was April 5th and now it is already August 6th. What did I miss? Or should it be, what did all of you miss? To be truth, a whole lot of stuffs.

Well you could see the list; my birthday on April 12th, Nyah’s birthday on June 12th, Mom’s birthday on June 20th, Annie’s birthday on July 8th and oh, I finally started my job on July 1st after an almost-four-years-unemployment-period. Did I also mention that I got pregnant for the first time in five years of marriage and lost my baby as well?

So you see, to sum up everything in one post is not really a good idea. I am now on maternity leave (courtesy of my very kind-hearted boss) which gives me ample time to sit and write down my life updates in this little space. Ups and downs; I must say how I finally able to actually witness a God’s will for His servants. When He says “Be,” then shall it be.

I would spare you the details for now but I would try my best to update each and everything soon before I start forgetting the whole stuffs. But deep down, I know that I would never forget anything related to my very first baby. Anyway, my lost baby girl had a name and it's Renee Razif. So how do I know the gender at merely two months of pregnancy, you ask? Well trust me, I just knew it.

Happy Eid and I seek forgiveness from everyone.

Penned Down #44: Goodbye & Good Luck, Dear

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Friends are many, but true friends are very few. When I was in my teens, I swear that I would have never been able to live without a friend. I mean, the thought of not having friends especially best friends could have killed me on the spot. It was freaking true then; I am not making exaggeration statement here. At that time, my friends are wayyy important than any boys. Bahaha!

I still remember that one time when Mom said to me that I was the kind of girl who prefers the company of others compared to my younger sister, Annie. I mean, it is not that I was the over-friendly type of girls who says ‘hi’ to everyone I meet including strangers. But when I made some friends, I truly appreciate them more than anything.

Today when I went through my pile of junks in my old study room, I found an almost worn-out pencil case which kept all my notes between my friends and me. I almost passed out from hysterical laugh when I read them back. It was too funny to remember all those memories; best friends’ fights, passing notes during classes and whatnot. They were hilarious.

'My two good friends; Harmeet Kaur who's now marrying a doctor and Susan Chua who's now migrating to NZ'

But growing up and married, I choose to be an anonymous. I keep myself away from friends. It is just that when we got married and our jobs are merely a homemaker (not by choice), we tend to compare ourselves with others who ace their lives a lot better than us. I mean, I just can’t figure out what to explain when they wonder why I am not yet employed until today.

The only one who never gets bored to keep in touch with me is Susan; no matter how much I tried to shoo her away. She was one of my close friends since secondary school and we went to the same university with different courses. Last few weeks, she insisted to meet up for she was going overseas to stay with her newly-registered husband for quite some time.

'With Susan, one and only friend who came to my engagement in 2008'

So it meant our last meeting until I-don’t-know-when. I got her a wedding present and she was still the same Susan; who never judged me out of anything. With her, I did not have to pretend as my life’s all bright and sunny. I could tell her most of my worries. And seeing her Facebook status yesterday, telling that she has safely arrived in New Zealand has somehow made me sad.

I mean, I don’t know when I can have the chance to meet up with her again; the only friend who still knows my favorite colors after more than 15 years. Anyway, it was kinda funny to meet up when both of us are now married. Instead of shopping for our stuffs, we got ourselves shopping for our husbands’ needs. Well, how time flies so fast.

'The Newlywed'

To Susan Chua, all the best for an adventuring life ahead!

Penned Down #43: University Life At Its Best

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

If there’s another place that I am somewhat familiar with (other than my hometown of course), it would be the exquisite Kuantan. If someone has accidently dropped me off there, I could have gotten myself survived at a percentage rate of 99.9% positively. Well you might say that I kinda knew the place like the back of my hand.

Funny if you should think that I graduated from a Kuantan’s business school. I am actually one of UNITEN’s alumni which its branch campus is located more than 100kms from Kuantan. I pretty had my five years of Accounting studies spent at Muadzam Shah; a brainchild of our Prime Minister’s dad. Frankly speaking, I had never heard of its name until I got there.

Instead of calling Muadzam Shah a fairly secluded area, I would prefer to portray it as a rather tranquil but well-planned town. The place was first built to become a fully established educational centre in serving the surrounding rustic provinces. So it kinda explained on why people (especially outsiders) would only find basic necessities close by.

'At one of Muadzam Shah's park when I was merely 19. Phew!'

Back then when I spent my time in Muadzam Shah from 2004 until 2009, the only shop to be available after 9 pm was 7-Eleven convenient store. Believe it or not, most of the shops would be closed as early as 7 pm onwards with no fast-food outlet to be found except some food stall and highway’s restaurants. And one of those few decent shops for us to get our groceries was a mini-mart called ‘Abadi’.

I could still recall its aloof owner who was not very fond of outsiders especially us students. At that time, most of us were having hard times with locals due to bad reps done by former students before us. I am not sure how things have changed now in Muadzam Shah after I left in 2009. Still haven’t got any opportunity to visit it yet though I would love to one day.

Since my friends and I could not find some appropriate places to shop in town except a pharmacy which sold limited personal stuff and toiletries, most of us had opted to go for Kuantan where fancy shopping malls resided and beach leisure was laid upon our eyes. I mean, who on earth did not find them alluring especially if you were a student. No?

During my first and second year in UNITEN, I did not have any cars with me. So every time we wanted to go for shopping, the only option for us was public transports like bus and taxi. It was actually pretty exhausting but the excitement shared with friends was beyond words. The best time to shop was of course when study allowances were disbursed. Bahaha!

'During our final years in Kuantan's East Coast Mall'

When I got my own car, I pretty much wandered around Kuantan all by myself. I learned to be independent during those times when I drove alone on that 106kms journey of 1 hour and 30 minutes (at average speed) either at night or day. And with trouble-free access to transport at that time, I was pretty sure that I headed to Kuantan most of my weekends. What a life, then! Teehee.

Anyway it was a fun life-phase for me; of which we tasted the freedom at rare and experimented life choices at most. Of course being in college/university wasn’t all fine and dandy; everyone must have some sad and sappy experiences to swallow. However it was probably the best time in life which no one could ever forget despite of how much our waist lines have increased nowadays!

Do live your life to the fullest, people!

Faith Friday #12: Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:28]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"He is the One that sends down rain (even) after men have given up all hope, and scatters His Mercy (far and wide). And He is the Protector, Worthy of all Praise." Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:28]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #42: Embracing The Almost-Lost-Hope

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

I am pretty sure that every one (especially Malaysians) is well informed about the latest heart-shattering news by our Prime Minister in solving the ambiguity that followed our ill-fated MAS’ MH370 in last few days. Being me, to talk about things which is not at my liberty is something I would try to avoid as possible as I could.

'Courtesy of Financial Express.com'

So if any of you is looking for hot stories and facts that consist of what, who, why, when or how in relating to the poor aircraft’s episode, this is not the right place for you. My honest advice is you might want to hop on news portals which provide credible facts from trusted sources. Just don’t go to websites that worship speculations more than verifications, please.

To agree or not to, this incident has been causing a great regret to mostly everyone either directly involved or not. Walking on a fine line here, I must say this is not the right time to point a finger to anybody. An unprecedented event is something beyond the reach of human beings; if we must understand that everything is written by the hands of God Himself.

'Courtesy of The Malay Mail Online.com'

Speaking from heart, it is never too late to cling still onto any hopes even as littlest as they could be. A hope means optimism. It does not necessarily have to be a miracle but the fact that we don’t give up on hopes will sure brings a difference to everyone affected in due course. As long as we keep our faith in us, there’s always a tiny chance for miracle to grow on.

I, myself am not a pure realist. I am the kind of person who believes still in God’s miracle. And no, I am not a totally pious woman but I had never put aside my beliefs even when I fall into despair. Well I admit that sometimes I had my beliefs almost on the brink, but whenever I felt like quitting I would always remind myself that life is actually a big wheel as we see it.

'Courtesy of The Malay Mail Online.com'

It might justify our insights on life to realize that not everyone is going down forever. Sooner or later, the wheel will get us to its top like everyone else. Again, it is just a matter of time. Even so it is also crucial to remember that everything on top will get down all over again. So never overlook to be grateful to everything we own because they are merely momentary possessions to us humans.

So grow hopes in yourselves, people!

Penned Down #41: To Stay Silent & Sane

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Sometimes when we don’t have anything to say, it is best to stay silent. Once Confucius had said, “Let the ruler be a ruler; the minister, a minister; the father, a father; the son, a son.”. Basically what he meant was if we don’t have the knowledge needed in certain things, it is wise to be an observer rather than to pretend like an expert.

'Courtesy of Space Cadet Bling.com'

Well I am not going to bash those morons who have made moronic statements about ill-fated MAS’ MH370 recently; most people have covered them nicely for me. What I am trying to say here is not everybody is entitled to give opinions on things they don’t perceive well. If it does not involve us, it is better to stay shut than making a fool out of ourselves.

Pertaining to every day’s life, being silent is the major key to a wise justification. Getting caught up in real life conflicts and to have dealt with a kind of people who were not that nice would have made us to be self-defensive and overly-vigilant in instant. Besides, it is in everyone’s nature to correct anything mistakenly judged upon us. True enough?

But dear, more we are trying to prove that we were right and they were wrong, more damages could have been done in between the process. What I have learned so far is that when people decide not to listen to us, they will never do it. It is like trying to speak up at a side of a road where everyone is honking their cars endlessly and nobody is listening.

Similar thing happened to me when people dropped by just to judge me in my own parents’ house. I constantly felt the pressure to roll my eyes out and defense myself in front of them. But no, I would not be dim-witted and do it. As The Hubster always reminds me, I don’t have to be as shallow as those people. I could do better than howling to some insensible rocks.

I have seen individuals who rang most of everyone they know just to explain how they were not guilty and how they turned into victims. While at the same time, they bad-mouthed the other party so they would get the crucial votes just to stay innocent in front of others. Well, to pull such a desperate stunt in proving their guiltless points? That was just sad for me.

Being silent does not mean we are frail and useless. It sure seems like we gave in and let those people won over us but the truth is, we won by being wisdom. So what if people mistakenly judged upon us? Someday they would eventually learn the truth whether they like it or not. As for now, let times do the justice for the whole picture. Always stay in faith.

Being silent is astuteness, people!

Penned Down #40: The Different Feeling

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

So last weekend The Hubster and I went back to Klang. My PIL is going to perform Umrah with his youngest brother and wife on this coming Sunday (or Saturday?) so they held a farewell gathering for a pax of 300. Supposedly there would be a blessing/thanksgiving ceremony for my late MIL but it was postponed before. So this farewell gathering was a joint occasion for my both PIL and late MIL.

We forgot to snap any pictures but the crowd was quite as big as a wedding's. Beside the fact that my PIL is one of the important persons in his circle, he is actually very kind to everyone he meets. So that explains why everyone is devoted enough to attend his every event now and then. Luckily for us (or me), we did not have to sweat ourselves for everything was done by appointed food caterer. So yeay for that!

Nevertheless, the feeling of going home this time was somewhat different than before my MIL left us. There was no longer the same warmness to wait for our arrival anymore. It wasn't me alone, I am sure The Hubster felt the same thing too. Things have been pretty different to everyone now; with some of them have turned more complicated than what I usually saw these past few years.

'My MIL's rest place now'

And it was definitely sad to see The Hubster recited Surah Yaasin at her late mother's grave. Sometimes he still had a cry or two whenever he mentioned about my MIL. I know that he misses her terribly, especially when he was in distress and could not find the same mother's affection any longer. I could totally relate to that because I know, my MIL is someone you wanna be as a mother.

Anyway, I always fond to meet up with a bunch of nice people in my in-laws family every time we go back. They treat me like I am a no stranger to the house and their loving gestures are genuine. They are not faking anything in front of me. The best part of all; I can be fat, ugly, jobless and whatnot but they would never try to judge me. These are what I call a true family, indeed. And how I love them a lot.

'The Hubster's cousins and aunt'

Being warm is more important than being a cold one, people!

Penned Down #39: They Talked About You, Too

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

It has been quite often for somebody to appear in front of me with this kind of look so obvious that it was written all over his/her plain face; the judgmental look. No, I wouldn’t call myself of being too sensitive and whatnot in interpreting body language but evidently, it was too noticeable to be ignored.

Actions speak louder than words. Call me a paranoid freak but as a matter of fact, I am actually not. What matters to me most is how my husband sees me, and how I see him. But to entirely say that I don’t give a damn about how people perceive me might be an act of improper contradicts. Well I am not gonna lie about it; I do care sometimes.

It is too devastating to see how somebody could have the shallowest idea of being better than anyone else. This is one issue that I have been keep repeating again and again but apparently, this kind of people never bothered to get the message. Why they never did is something I could relate to my earlier words; they might think they are too great themselves. Got me?

'Courtesy of MBird.com'

You see, it is not cool at all to think that we are the best to everything we are. We might have the feelings that we are the best daughter/son, the best daughter-in-law/son-in-law, the best niece/nephew, the best mother/father, the best grandmother/grandfather (and the list goes one) but ask ourselves this; do others feel the same like we do?

If you ask me, I know that sometimes we have a tendency to think we have been the best for people in our circle. We wanted to believe that we are better than anyone else so we tend to despise others who are not up to our so-called righteousness standards. For all we care, it is better to be the poor victim rather than the blamed villain so others will take side with us and boycott the unfavorable ones. No?

To give advices is good, but never do it based on biased point of views. Sometimes this kind of people would come to us and claimed to be all nice and naive in giving their preachy two-cents opinion. They think they have been given the mandate to correct things just because they are the good people and we are the bad ones based only on what they have heard.

Ironically, how can you be so sure that the party who had been speaking-ill about the other one is not doing the same thing behind you? They might have talked about you to other people too, you know? So unless we have been given medals of being the best person in the whole world, it is wise to stop the act that shows we are better than anyone else. We are merely God's humble servants here.

Think properly, people. Think.

Faith Friday #11: Surah Al-Imran [3:139-140]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair. For you will be superior if you are true in faith. If you are wounded, then know that the other group is also wounded. And such are the days, We alternate them between the people, so that God will know those who believe, and so He may make witnesses from among you; and God does not like the wicked." Surah Al-Imran [3:139-140]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #38: Not The Usual Weather

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

I said my utmost gratitude to Allah SWT when it finally rained last night. It has been a super duper weird climate in Malaysia since the last few weeks (or months?). I could still recall laughing at a cartoon column in local newspaper recently, which joked on how Malaysians were finally able to wear fancy winter clothes in this tropical country.

Locals in Cameron Highland were reported to finally able to wear their sweat-shirts in the noon since last 20 to 30 years. I guess the sudden dropped in temperature has welcomed mixed reactions from at least everyone. Of course I, on the other hand was in euphoria to be in the cool, breezy ambience. I always have this thing with air-conditioned environments, if you must know.

'Always loved winter; although never had it'

There was even an unusual report which we Malaysians seldom get to hear it often; frosts were somehow found on plants in higher grounds in Sabah! Although it was no close to snow but still, it sounded bizarre to me. Especially on seeing the huge fact that I am residing in one of the tropics with high humidity, dry wind and copious rainfall throughout the year.

And when I thought how any weirder could it top the situation more, we suddenly had to endure another drastic changes in the climate again. Not the usual chumminess but it was beyond everything familiar. It was too hot and too dry yet too humid. No sign of rains for quite a few weeks (which pretty good for laundry chores) but most of us had to suffer from poor signs of hydration.

My lips chapped so bad that sometimes I could even taste the dried blood on them. Of course it was not a pleasurable thing, well except that you somehow share the same Cullen’s bloodlines (of Twilight). So when it rained last night, I was pleased to relish every second of it. Now I know how rigid it is to be in countries with the slightest rainfall counts.

Well I used to hate a lot when it rained during the laundry day just because I was too lazy to rearrange the wet clothes for indoor drying. To be exact, I just can’t cope with the damp smell in clothes. But if I had to choose between wet days and hot ones, I sure love rain more than anything. But then I guess it is always a win-win situation to every God’s cause. No?

So let us be thankful to whatever weather we have, people!

Penned Down #37: An Apology Message

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

I would never have expected that my previous post dated January 21st had somehow offended a number of people in such a way I did not intend to. These are good people anyway but they have actually dropped me some apologizing messages considering if they might had hurt me by any chance. Seriously in my sanest mind I would not even categorize them for being brutally hurting me, ever. Like a serious NO!

Dear good earthlings, my so-called post was not intended to bring a stir to what I called a 'past'. What goes past me is something I have made peace with, so that it will never screw up my present life or even yours. If you really go through my post then you will be noticing that I have said I am now learning to let go my grudge towards anyone. It is sure one hell of difficult task but what I do now is to take one step at a time.

I am not rushing anywhere so it might take some times to forget those really hurting stuffs. But seriously people, I have forgiven anything as long as it is tagged under 'past'. So please, do not apologize for anything especially those things that I can barely remember at all. What happened between us before is nothing to be taken on serious term today and I do really mean it. So chill, people. Chill.

The irony part is the ones who have actually gotten me into real misery are never bothered to feel guilty at all. Unlike those good people I have mentioned above, these kinda people think they can go pass their afterlife judgements as easy as using a Touch 'N' Go card. Well guess what, life is not built in accordance to our own whim and fancy. So does in the afterlife.

To those who have known me, I wish to apologize for everything ill I have done towards any of you. I am not good in saying sorry but I really want to be that one person who's always willing to apologize and forgive. And to those people who have gotten through my email inbox, so sorry I could not reply to your messages directly. Some things just need some distances at a moment, if you should understand.

Let's reset everything to zero again, people!

Penned Down #36: The Pen-Pals Thingy

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Browsing through piles of old file and folders from my primary and secondary school days, I came across the most valuable one among the others. It was the folder of my former pen-pals! Most of the memorable stuff and letters were actually dated more than a decade ago which somehow occurs to me how old I have turned now. Hek!

I do realize how this pen-pal thingy is nowadays considered as old-school (old but fashionably cool, perhaps)? Sure it is for today's teens are no longer lack in options to seek the windows to another world. They have Windows Vista, XP and 7 to do all that. During my time, the only window we had was some kind of a pen-pal organization. And mine was International Youth Service (IYS) which was based in Finland.

It was founded in 1952 and it arranged pen-pals among young people all over the world. Of course they still charged a fee for all their services but it was not that expensive for a kid, though. I think it was around USD1.20 at my time in 1998. We were given a simple form to fill up but most of the complicated handling parts such as posting and converting to Ringgit currency were all done by teachers.

'The IYS pamphlet-form in Yours Truly's safekeeping'

Unfortunately the organization was closed down in 2008 (no thanks to internet) but I am sure lots of people had benefited from its 56 years of service. Anyway I have just found out there is a tribute to IYS made by its former users (click HERE). Reading some of the comments have surely surprised me when some of them are still keeping in touch with each other while a few got married to their own pen-pals!

I do remember most of my pen-pals; well I even had a bestie among them (well, sort of). Her name was Irene Morales Dominguez from Madrid (Spain) and she was the same age of mine. It was her to first write me in June of 1998 and I still remember how excited I was to receive an air-mail from a country outside Malaysia. Frankly speaking, I never had one before hers.

We exchanged fancy letters telling all sort of things such as dreams in life. It was beyond amazing to think that a part of my teen life was chronicled in letters; just like the story of Mary and Max if I must say. The exhilaration was pure to us especially when we attached letters with photo, postcard, sticker and stuffs. You know, all the itsy bitsy things that could make a girl's day bright. Teehee!

'Some of her posted stuffs. She was in the orange sweater, though'

Unfortunately we lost contact somewhere in 2002. I could not remember why but I guess she must have changed her home address so my letters did not make to her hands safely. I did try to find her on Facebook using her full name but of course, not many of us would be using the real name on social platform nowadays. So we never wrote to each other since then.

Frankly if I had the chance, I would love to meet her again and catch up on things we have missed all these years. Not only with her but maybe with all my pen-friends such as Christopher Freeman from Oklahoma (US), Abhishek Bhattacharjee and Pavan Goud; both from Meghalaya and Hyderabad (India), Orhan from Derinkuyu (Turkey) or Talha Arshad from Lahore (Pakistan).

They might be married or have children or whatnot but I am sure it will be nice to hear from them again. In fact, I think my generation was lucky to have experienced the joy of putting pen to paper only to learn about different existed culture and languages. Letter writing, once very popular might be a hobby of a few now. But there were happy times indeed; with no fear of meeting shady people which is unlike today.

The joy of pure friendship from the good old days, people!

Faith Friday #10: Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:19-20]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"Allah is Subtle with His servants; He gives provisions to whom He wills. And He is the Powerful, the Exalted in Might. Whoever desires the harvest of the Hereafter - We increase for him in his harvest. And whoever desires the harvest of this world - We give him thereof, but there is not for him in the Hereafter any share." Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:19-20]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #35: To Forgive & Never Forget

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

There was a time when I was younger and easily heat-up over something. And I found it very tough to forgive anyone who made me feel miserable intentionally. If you should know, I was the kind of person who wishes for someone’s repayment for anything bad he/she had done to me. My once philosophy was simple; if you hurt me then I wish you to be damned as long as you live.

There was also a time when I found it very difficult to forgive and forget. I might forgive someone but then I would never get to forget what he/she has done to me. The worse part would be when the person did not intend to apologize at all. God help me for I vowed that I would never forgive their wrongdoings and they would need to seek me in afterlife for my forgiveness eventually.

Well looking back how I was before and how I am now, I can say it has been quite a lot of changes in me. Not that I have changed 100% for a better person; I do still have the habit of keeping grudge over someone who hurt me. It is not easy for me to get rid all of resentment feelings inside but I have somehow learned to manage it wisely rather than I was before.

You see, The Hubster always said that I am the kind of person who remembers thing quite meticulous yet so visibly thus causing me a hard time to forget any bad events that happened in my life. Well sometimes I did pretend I did not remember such hurting stuffs but down deep, I did and would always commit to memory for most of them even if I did not want to.

'Yours Truly; always keeping grudge'

Growing up and married, I found myself a tad wiser than before. If I encounter anything that irritates me, I tend to hold onto my patience a little bit rather than rumble at instant. It is like when a shop assistant gets on my nerves, instead of scolding I will go to higher management and lodge my complain. Acting smart will ultimately get us even but acting uncivilized will only demote us.

Just like nowadays, I keep telling myself to be cool about anything that cause me rage. If I found out a group of people gossiping behind my back or ill-mouthing me, I would calm myself and say my utmost gratitude for I would not be sharing their point of sins at all costs. It would be them to face Allah SWT with their sinned acts, not me.

They are the one who should be fear of their wrongdoings toward other people. So instead of wishing them an equal karma, we might want to forgive them. It's cool if we can't forget their acts; we are merely humans for God's sake. But to forgive someone means to admit we are also among the sinners who need forgiveness. There's no need to bother about them. Just sit back and live our lives with a free mind.

What others think of us is none of our business, people!

Penned Down #34: Should We Tell or Shouldn't We?

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Do you ever aware the very reason that causes outsiders to talk behind your back is because the unofficial conveyer is mostly somebody from your circle itself? We tend to blame other people when they backbite us but has it ever occur to us that people might get the hot stuff from somebody who knows the thing first-hand?

Sadly but how it is so true. Sometimes we human forget the boundaries on who should we tell something and who shouldn’t. When I was a teenage girl, I always had the tendencies to tell my secrets to somebody I regard as my best friend; simply because I thought a best friend is someone I could put my whole trust. So from little to huge dirty secrets were considered fine to be shared with; even some family’s coverts.

But then I forgot those people were also outsiders. An outsider will still be an outsider, regardless how close we are. There is no definite assurance that we will never pick some fights over something or a pledge that our best friends will somehow take our secrets to their graves without telling a word about it to the others. A human is merely a human. Like us, they can always make a mistake.

Growing up, I learned that anything happens in the house should stays in the house. Nothing is going out; not even to the closest relative’s place or the house of my in-laws. I always believe that a house’s internal issue should never get outside unless to immediate family members. If you should ever need to trust somebody other than your spouses, it should be your next of kin. Not an aunt or your closest cousin.

'The four of us with our former young nanny in red dress'

And being a wife or a mother, keeping the secrets of the husband and kids is always a must. Never bring out any internal issue to anyone just to share out the burdens. To let out the hard feeling might be relieving at first but do we realize the later consequences involved? People will circulate the issue among themselves but the issue will never get settled. The worst part is the issue will be spoken for generations.

A marital privacy should be between the spouses themselves. If your marriage is in trouble, please discuss it within the house only. Do avoid any third party involvement at all costs for most of them will only bring negative vibe than positive one. And stop the habit of seeking the help of traditional practitioner or so-called conventional psychics (well you know what I mean here, Malaysians).
 
Going to this kind of people won't solve our problems. Not only we reveal secrets that should be private to a definite stranger, we actually expose things that might downgrade our spouse and kids’ good names. If we don't wish the others to backbite us and our family, then never give them the very things they want. That's what I always remind myself until today. And dear, seek the help you need from The Almighty.

Safeguard someone's secret and your secret shall be safeguarded too, people!

Penned Down #33: The Art of Meddling & Backbiting

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Often that I feel like yawning with boredom when somebody said he/she was not interfering in other people's conflict but merely taking concerns about it. How irony, when all I could see was he/she was more in meddling someone's else business with a bonus act of backbiting rather than what he/she has claimed at early point. What an art of camouflage, huh!

 

Well dear peeps, there's a fine line between peacemaking and meddling. As a human being, we walk the most delicate line of boundaries that define one's own business and whatnot. A silent resentment or maybe a smoldering conflict that lead to arguments can happen to any society's members, but it doesn't mean we can be the unofficial mediator between those two. Or worse; a judge.

It should be taken seriously that interfering with other people's affair is quite a dangerous act. Unless both crisis parties themselves want to work it out and we are somehow needed for the third opinion, it is smarter (and also safer) not to intervene or give unnecessary judging. They can find a way themselves and make up in due course, but later they will turn on us for taking sides. That's when the real problem occurs.

Truth to be told, I have always seen these kind of people ever since my childhood time. Boy, I am sure I will keep seeing them until I get old. It might be wise to say that we people just hate to be locked in conflict with others but these people just don't feel right if they are not meddling in someone's else affair. Be it a house or marriage issue; those issues are supposedly to be private and not to be intervened with.

'Yours Truly at one of the art times'

I admit that I used to be one of that people. When somebody came to me and poured everything off his/her chest about some personal issues involving the other one, I would then act like a consultant with words that I should had realized could cause the issue to stir up. I think most of us couldn't help but tend to provide unnecessary opinion to the warring parties or start taking sides at such event. No?

How I regret a lot for that silly act of mine if only I knew that karma is a b. Well what goes around comes around. Now I have learned to know when I am contributing to the outright conflict of somebody's. Remember for we don't have to put out a fire that we did not start or resolve a conflict that did not concern us at all.

So every time we hear those hot, circulated stuffs coming out of thin air, do ask ourselves whether the issue is ours or somebody's else. Unless the conflict involves us in any significant way, we are better off not trying to intervene in what isn't our business. Listening is good to go, but never impose one's own ideas or turn to be a self-appointed rescuer. We might ignite the spark that's already there.

 

Sometimes there are things that are just not for us to speak of. It might lead to a worse scenario if we butt in and take sides. Always remember that Allah SWT forbids us to spread scandal among the others of which could be a damaging tool to persons involved. We shall all learn to assume good of one another upon hearing something we are unsure of.

Let's stop backbiting each other, people!

Faith Friday #9: Surah An-Nur [24:15-17]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah, tremendous. And why, when you heard it, did you not say, "It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, O Allah; this is a great slander? Allah warns you against returning to the likes of this conduct, ever, if you should be believers." Surah An-Nur [24:15-17]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #32: No More New Year's Resolutions

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings), 

I could not help but apologize for the temporary negligence back then. It is just that I was having some stuff recently which required me to have it dealt with my sanest mind rather than emotionally taken. But hey, what’s life without the ups and downs. No?

Well I guess it is not too late to wish everyone a great ‘Happy New Year’. Those trails left by 2013 have sure affected our lives personally; be it pretty or ugly. But I sure did welcome the arrival of 2014 into my life. For every incoming New Year, comes the tagging hope for a brand new start. There is no resolutions for me here. It is just that I don't really trust in words-uttering-only but no guaranteed actions to take on.

Besides, I believe that most promises are made to be broken. Call me indifferent but that’s what I think. I have seen enough things and I am quite sure that not everyone has held onto their own words as they were expected to. Not even I, myself or those people around me since I have lived for 27 years now.

Enough about my New Year’s story for I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate those who have been recently tying the knots. Month of December has always been a favourite wedding month to most Malaysians due to its long, extended school holiday involved. My own wedding was even held in the same month. Teehee.

'Us at one of relatives' wedding - wayyy back before'

Again, congrats to all newlyweds for having the guts to step further into another phase of mutual life. A piece of advice for what its worth; marrying someone means we are marrying the in-laws as well. When we choose to live with our spouse, bear in mind that we choose to live with his/her family too. So always be fair to both families in future. 

Trust me, there will be times when we are gonna have the slightest feeling that one of the in-laws might not like us or whatnot, but always take deep breath and rethink again. It is not possible for everyone to always like us; we ourselves don’t even like everybody. So be cool with it and let time does its thing until everything turns out good eventually. 

Being married and in-love will not guarantee a happily ever after life. It is all depends on us to make the marriage works as it should be in the next 50 years. Marriage is neither about granting us the license to sex nor the legal production of the offspring. Marriage is about living together between the two so we shall find comfort in it. 

We may find small things to argue about, but never let that small thing takes over the relationship. For Muslims, a wife’s place is with the husband so try not to prioritize other things or anyone above the husband. Do bear in mind for a wife’s heaven is in accordance with how her husband thinks of her. So be nice and have respect to each other. 

Last but not least, always enjoy our marriage for every minute of it!