Penned Down #35: To Forgive & Never Forget

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

There was a time when I was younger and easily heat-up over something. And I found it very tough to forgive anyone who made me feel miserable intentionally. If you should know, I was the kind of person who wishes for someone’s repayment for anything bad he/she had done to me. My once philosophy was simple; if you hurt me then I wish you to be damned as long as you live.

There was also a time when I found it very difficult to forgive and forget. I might forgive someone but then I would never get to forget what he/she has done to me. The worse part would be when the person did not intend to apologize at all. God help me for I vowed that I would never forgive their wrongdoings and they would need to seek me in afterlife for my forgiveness eventually.

Well looking back how I was before and how I am now, I can say it has been quite a lot of changes in me. Not that I have changed 100% for a better person; I do still have the habit of keeping grudge over someone who hurt me. It is not easy for me to get rid all of resentment feelings inside but I have somehow learned to manage it wisely rather than I was before.

You see, The Hubster always said that I am the kind of person who remembers thing quite meticulous yet so visibly thus causing me a hard time to forget any bad events that happened in my life. Well sometimes I did pretend I did not remember such hurting stuffs but down deep, I did and would always commit to memory for most of them even if I did not want to.

'Yours Truly; always keeping grudge'

Growing up and married, I found myself a tad wiser than before. If I encounter anything that irritates me, I tend to hold onto my patience a little bit rather than rumble at instant. It is like when a shop assistant gets on my nerves, instead of scolding I will go to higher management and lodge my complain. Acting smart will ultimately get us even but acting uncivilized will only demote us.

Just like nowadays, I keep telling myself to be cool about anything that cause me rage. If I found out a group of people gossiping behind my back or ill-mouthing me, I would calm myself and say my utmost gratitude for I would not be sharing their point of sins at all costs. It would be them to face Allah SWT with their sinned acts, not me.

They are the one who should be fear of their wrongdoings toward other people. So instead of wishing them an equal karma, we might want to forgive them. It's cool if we can't forget their acts; we are merely humans for God's sake. But to forgive someone means to admit we are also among the sinners who need forgiveness. There's no need to bother about them. Just sit back and live our lives with a free mind.

What others think of us is none of our business, people!

Penned Down #34: Should We Tell or Shouldn't We?

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Do you ever aware the very reason that causes outsiders to talk behind your back is because the unofficial conveyer is mostly somebody from your circle itself? We tend to blame other people when they backbite us but has it ever occur to us that people might get the hot stuff from somebody who knows the thing first-hand?

Sadly but how it is so true. Sometimes we human forget the boundaries on who should we tell something and who shouldn’t. When I was a teenage girl, I always had the tendencies to tell my secrets to somebody I regard as my best friend; simply because I thought a best friend is someone I could put my whole trust. So from little to huge dirty secrets were considered fine to be shared with; even some family’s coverts.

But then I forgot those people were also outsiders. An outsider will still be an outsider, regardless how close we are. There is no definite assurance that we will never pick some fights over something or a pledge that our best friends will somehow take our secrets to their graves without telling a word about it to the others. A human is merely a human. Like us, they can always make a mistake.

Growing up, I learned that anything happens in the house should stays in the house. Nothing is going out; not even to the closest relative’s place or the house of my in-laws. I always believe that a house’s internal issue should never get outside unless to immediate family members. If you should ever need to trust somebody other than your spouses, it should be your next of kin. Not an aunt or your closest cousin.

'The four of us with our former young nanny in red dress'

And being a wife or a mother, keeping the secrets of the husband and kids is always a must. Never bring out any internal issue to anyone just to share out the burdens. To let out the hard feeling might be relieving at first but do we realize the later consequences involved? People will circulate the issue among themselves but the issue will never get settled. The worst part is the issue will be spoken for generations.

A marital privacy should be between the spouses themselves. If your marriage is in trouble, please discuss it within the house only. Do avoid any third party involvement at all costs for most of them will only bring negative vibe than positive one. And stop the habit of seeking the help of traditional practitioner or so-called conventional psychics (well you know what I mean here, Malaysians).
 
Going to this kind of people won't solve our problems. Not only we reveal secrets that should be private to a definite stranger, we actually expose things that might downgrade our spouse and kids’ good names. If we don't wish the others to backbite us and our family, then never give them the very things they want. That's what I always remind myself until today. And dear, seek the help you need from The Almighty.

Safeguard someone's secret and your secret shall be safeguarded too, people!

Penned Down #33: The Art of Meddling & Backbiting

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Often that I feel like yawning with boredom when somebody said he/she was not interfering in other people's conflict but merely taking concerns about it. How irony, when all I could see was he/she was more in meddling someone's else business with a bonus act of backbiting rather than what he/she has claimed at early point. What an art of camouflage, huh!

 

Well dear peeps, there's a fine line between peacemaking and meddling. As a human being, we walk the most delicate line of boundaries that define one's own business and whatnot. A silent resentment or maybe a smoldering conflict that lead to arguments can happen to any society's members, but it doesn't mean we can be the unofficial mediator between those two. Or worse; a judge.

It should be taken seriously that interfering with other people's affair is quite a dangerous act. Unless both crisis parties themselves want to work it out and we are somehow needed for the third opinion, it is smarter (and also safer) not to intervene or give unnecessary judging. They can find a way themselves and make up in due course, but later they will turn on us for taking sides. That's when the real problem occurs.

Truth to be told, I have always seen these kind of people ever since my childhood time. Boy, I am sure I will keep seeing them until I get old. It might be wise to say that we people just hate to be locked in conflict with others but these people just don't feel right if they are not meddling in someone's else affair. Be it a house or marriage issue; those issues are supposedly to be private and not to be intervened with.

'Yours Truly at one of the art times'

I admit that I used to be one of that people. When somebody came to me and poured everything off his/her chest about some personal issues involving the other one, I would then act like a consultant with words that I should had realized could cause the issue to stir up. I think most of us couldn't help but tend to provide unnecessary opinion to the warring parties or start taking sides at such event. No?

How I regret a lot for that silly act of mine if only I knew that karma is a b. Well what goes around comes around. Now I have learned to know when I am contributing to the outright conflict of somebody's. Remember for we don't have to put out a fire that we did not start or resolve a conflict that did not concern us at all.

So every time we hear those hot, circulated stuffs coming out of thin air, do ask ourselves whether the issue is ours or somebody's else. Unless the conflict involves us in any significant way, we are better off not trying to intervene in what isn't our business. Listening is good to go, but never impose one's own ideas or turn to be a self-appointed rescuer. We might ignite the spark that's already there.

 

Sometimes there are things that are just not for us to speak of. It might lead to a worse scenario if we butt in and take sides. Always remember that Allah SWT forbids us to spread scandal among the others of which could be a damaging tool to persons involved. We shall all learn to assume good of one another upon hearing something we are unsure of.

Let's stop backbiting each other, people!

Faith Friday #9: Surah An-Nur [24:15-17]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah, tremendous. And why, when you heard it, did you not say, "It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, O Allah; this is a great slander? Allah warns you against returning to the likes of this conduct, ever, if you should be believers." Surah An-Nur [24:15-17]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #32: No More New Year's Resolutions

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings), 

I could not help but apologize for the temporary negligence back then. It is just that I was having some stuff recently which required me to have it dealt with my sanest mind rather than emotionally taken. But hey, what’s life without the ups and downs. No?

Well I guess it is not too late to wish everyone a great ‘Happy New Year’. Those trails left by 2013 have sure affected our lives personally; be it pretty or ugly. But I sure did welcome the arrival of 2014 into my life. For every incoming New Year, comes the tagging hope for a brand new start. There is no resolutions for me here. It is just that I don't really trust in words-uttering-only but no guaranteed actions to take on.

Besides, I believe that most promises are made to be broken. Call me indifferent but that’s what I think. I have seen enough things and I am quite sure that not everyone has held onto their own words as they were expected to. Not even I, myself or those people around me since I have lived for 27 years now.

Enough about my New Year’s story for I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate those who have been recently tying the knots. Month of December has always been a favourite wedding month to most Malaysians due to its long, extended school holiday involved. My own wedding was even held in the same month. Teehee.

'Us at one of relatives' wedding - wayyy back before'

Again, congrats to all newlyweds for having the guts to step further into another phase of mutual life. A piece of advice for what its worth; marrying someone means we are marrying the in-laws as well. When we choose to live with our spouse, bear in mind that we choose to live with his/her family too. So always be fair to both families in future. 

Trust me, there will be times when we are gonna have the slightest feeling that one of the in-laws might not like us or whatnot, but always take deep breath and rethink again. It is not possible for everyone to always like us; we ourselves don’t even like everybody. So be cool with it and let time does its thing until everything turns out good eventually. 

Being married and in-love will not guarantee a happily ever after life. It is all depends on us to make the marriage works as it should be in the next 50 years. Marriage is neither about granting us the license to sex nor the legal production of the offspring. Marriage is about living together between the two so we shall find comfort in it. 

We may find small things to argue about, but never let that small thing takes over the relationship. For Muslims, a wife’s place is with the husband so try not to prioritize other things or anyone above the husband. Do bear in mind for a wife’s heaven is in accordance with how her husband thinks of her. So be nice and have respect to each other. 

Last but not least, always enjoy our marriage for every minute of it!