Penned Down #45: The Bitter Sweet of Ramadan & Eid

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Happy Eid, folks. Well I’m not gonna put an exclamation mark there like I always did and I do have strong reasons for that. One; I wasn't able to visit anyone during this festive season, even though my in-laws. Two; the only places I have visited recently were hospital and specialist center. Three; basically I spent my days of Eid staying only at home; grieving on bed.

Gosh, there are so many things and stuffs to be updated in this long abandoned blog. And yet I couldn't even figure out how I should start the talking. Let’s see; the last time I published a post was April 5th and now it is already August 6th. What did I miss? Or should it be, what did all of you miss? To be truth, a whole lot of stuffs.

Well you could see the list; my birthday on April 12th, Nyah’s birthday on June 12th, Mom’s birthday on June 20th, Annie’s birthday on July 8th and oh, I finally started my job on July 1st after an almost-four-years-unemployment-period. Did I also mention that I got pregnant for the first time in five years of marriage and lost my baby as well?

So you see, to sum up everything in one post is not really a good idea. I am now on maternity leave (courtesy of my very kind-hearted boss) which gives me ample time to sit and write down my life updates in this little space. Ups and downs; I must say how I finally able to actually witness a God’s will for His servants. When He says “Be,” then shall it be.

I would spare you the details for now but I would try my best to update each and everything soon before I start forgetting the whole stuffs. But deep down, I know that I would never forget anything related to my very first baby. Anyway, my lost baby girl had a name and it's Renee Razif. So how do I know the gender at merely two months of pregnancy, you ask? Well trust me, I just knew it.

Happy Eid and I seek forgiveness from everyone.

Penned Down #44: Goodbye & Good Luck, Dear

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

Friends are many, but true friends are very few. When I was in my teens, I swear that I would have never been able to live without a friend. I mean, the thought of not having friends especially best friends could have killed me on the spot. It was freaking true then; I am not making exaggeration statement here. At that time, my friends are wayyy important than any boys. Bahaha!

I still remember that one time when Mom said to me that I was the kind of girl who prefers the company of others compared to my younger sister, Annie. I mean, it is not that I was the over-friendly type of girls who says ‘hi’ to everyone I meet including strangers. But when I made some friends, I truly appreciate them more than anything.

Today when I went through my pile of junks in my old study room, I found an almost worn-out pencil case which kept all my notes between my friends and me. I almost passed out from hysterical laugh when I read them back. It was too funny to remember all those memories; best friends’ fights, passing notes during classes and whatnot. They were hilarious.

'My two good friends; Harmeet Kaur who's now marrying a doctor and Susan Chua who's now migrating to NZ'

But growing up and married, I choose to be an anonymous. I keep myself away from friends. It is just that when we got married and our jobs are merely a homemaker (not by choice), we tend to compare ourselves with others who ace their lives a lot better than us. I mean, I just can’t figure out what to explain when they wonder why I am not yet employed until today.

The only one who never gets bored to keep in touch with me is Susan; no matter how much I tried to shoo her away. She was one of my close friends since secondary school and we went to the same university with different courses. Last few weeks, she insisted to meet up for she was going overseas to stay with her newly-registered husband for quite some time.

'With Susan, one and only friend who came to my engagement in 2008'

So it meant our last meeting until I-don’t-know-when. I got her a wedding present and she was still the same Susan; who never judged me out of anything. With her, I did not have to pretend as my life’s all bright and sunny. I could tell her most of my worries. And seeing her Facebook status yesterday, telling that she has safely arrived in New Zealand has somehow made me sad.

I mean, I don’t know when I can have the chance to meet up with her again; the only friend who still knows my favorite colors after more than 15 years. Anyway, it was kinda funny to meet up when both of us are now married. Instead of shopping for our stuffs, we got ourselves shopping for our husbands’ needs. Well, how time flies so fast.

'The Newlywed'

To Susan Chua, all the best for an adventuring life ahead!

Penned Down #43: University Life At Its Best

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

If there’s another place that I am somewhat familiar with (other than my hometown of course), it would be the exquisite Kuantan. If someone has accidently dropped me off there, I could have gotten myself survived at a percentage rate of 99.9% positively. Well you might say that I kinda knew the place like the back of my hand.

Funny if you should think that I graduated from a Kuantan’s business school. I am actually one of UNITEN’s alumni which its branch campus is located more than 100kms from Kuantan. I pretty had my five years of Accounting studies spent at Muadzam Shah; a brainchild of our Prime Minister’s dad. Frankly speaking, I had never heard of its name until I got there.

Instead of calling Muadzam Shah a fairly secluded area, I would prefer to portray it as a rather tranquil but well-planned town. The place was first built to become a fully established educational centre in serving the surrounding rustic provinces. So it kinda explained on why people (especially outsiders) would only find basic necessities close by.

'At one of Muadzam Shah's park when I was merely 19. Phew!'

Back then when I spent my time in Muadzam Shah from 2004 until 2009, the only shop to be available after 9 pm was 7-Eleven convenient store. Believe it or not, most of the shops would be closed as early as 7 pm onwards with no fast-food outlet to be found except some food stall and highway’s restaurants. And one of those few decent shops for us to get our groceries was a mini-mart called ‘Abadi’.

I could still recall its aloof owner who was not very fond of outsiders especially us students. At that time, most of us were having hard times with locals due to bad reps done by former students before us. I am not sure how things have changed now in Muadzam Shah after I left in 2009. Still haven’t got any opportunity to visit it yet though I would love to one day.

Since my friends and I could not find some appropriate places to shop in town except a pharmacy which sold limited personal stuff and toiletries, most of us had opted to go for Kuantan where fancy shopping malls resided and beach leisure was laid upon our eyes. I mean, who on earth did not find them alluring especially if you were a student. No?

During my first and second year in UNITEN, I did not have any cars with me. So every time we wanted to go for shopping, the only option for us was public transports like bus and taxi. It was actually pretty exhausting but the excitement shared with friends was beyond words. The best time to shop was of course when study allowances were disbursed. Bahaha!

'During our final years in Kuantan's East Coast Mall'

When I got my own car, I pretty much wandered around Kuantan all by myself. I learned to be independent during those times when I drove alone on that 106kms journey of 1 hour and 30 minutes (at average speed) either at night or day. And with trouble-free access to transport at that time, I was pretty sure that I headed to Kuantan most of my weekends. What a life, then! Teehee.

Anyway it was a fun life-phase for me; of which we tasted the freedom at rare and experimented life choices at most. Of course being in college/university wasn’t all fine and dandy; everyone must have some sad and sappy experiences to swallow. However it was probably the best time in life which no one could ever forget despite of how much our waist lines have increased nowadays!

Do live your life to the fullest, people!

Faith Friday #12: Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:28]

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

'Original Photo Courtesy of GrumpyCats.com'

"He is the One that sends down rain (even) after men have given up all hope, and scatters His Mercy (far and wide). And He is the Protector, Worthy of all Praise." Surah Ash-Shuraa [42:28]

Another beautiful reminder for us, people!

Penned Down #42: Embracing The Almost-Lost-Hope

Dear Earthlings (and disguised Spacelings),

I am pretty sure that every one (especially Malaysians) is well informed about the latest heart-shattering news by our Prime Minister in solving the ambiguity that followed our ill-fated MAS’ MH370 in last few days. Being me, to talk about things which is not at my liberty is something I would try to avoid as possible as I could.

'Courtesy of Financial Express.com'

So if any of you is looking for hot stories and facts that consist of what, who, why, when or how in relating to the poor aircraft’s episode, this is not the right place for you. My honest advice is you might want to hop on news portals which provide credible facts from trusted sources. Just don’t go to websites that worship speculations more than verifications, please.

To agree or not to, this incident has been causing a great regret to mostly everyone either directly involved or not. Walking on a fine line here, I must say this is not the right time to point a finger to anybody. An unprecedented event is something beyond the reach of human beings; if we must understand that everything is written by the hands of God Himself.

'Courtesy of The Malay Mail Online.com'

Speaking from heart, it is never too late to cling still onto any hopes even as littlest as they could be. A hope means optimism. It does not necessarily have to be a miracle but the fact that we don’t give up on hopes will sure brings a difference to everyone affected in due course. As long as we keep our faith in us, there’s always a tiny chance for miracle to grow on.

I, myself am not a pure realist. I am the kind of person who believes still in God’s miracle. And no, I am not a totally pious woman but I had never put aside my beliefs even when I fall into despair. Well I admit that sometimes I had my beliefs almost on the brink, but whenever I felt like quitting I would always remind myself that life is actually a big wheel as we see it.

'Courtesy of The Malay Mail Online.com'

It might justify our insights on life to realize that not everyone is going down forever. Sooner or later, the wheel will get us to its top like everyone else. Again, it is just a matter of time. Even so it is also crucial to remember that everything on top will get down all over again. So never overlook to be grateful to everything we own because they are merely momentary possessions to us humans.

So grow hopes in yourselves, people!